Lectionary Calendar
Wednesday, December 4th, 2024
the First Week of Advent
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Read the Bible

Simplified Cowboy Version

Matthew 15

1 It was about this time that some religious know-it-alls and some others who taught the same things they did came up from the Jerusalem country. They asked Jesus, 2 "Why don't your cowboys do what all of our grandpappies taught us to do? Why, they don't even wash their hands before they eat."

3 Jesus told 'em, "Let me ask you this. Why don't you do what the Boss tells you to do? 4 Didn't he tell us to respect our moms and dads? He even said to shoot someone dead if they cussed their parents. 5 But y'all let it slide when someone doesn't even help their parents out when they need some help. Y'all tell these kids that it's fine to give money to your organization instead of buying food for their parents. 6 Is this the kind of respect you show your mom and dad? You flat out ignore what the Boss says and make up your own rules that will benefit you. 7 Y'all ain't nothin' but snake-oil salesmen! Old Isaiah was tellin' the truth when God spoke through him and said, 8 'All of you have real pretty words for me, but I never even cross your mind. 9 Don't even bother with your words when all you do is teach rules that you make up.'"

What Really Makes Cowboys Unfit in the Outfit

10 Jesus hollered for everyone to gather around him. He said, "Y'all listen up and try to follow what I'm sayin'. 11 The food you put in your mouth doesn't make you unfit in the Boss's eye, but the filthy talk that comes out of your mouth sure enough does."

12 Some of Jesus's cowboys came over to him and whispered, "Do you realize that you put a big burr underneath them hypocritical preacher's saddle blankets by what you just said?"

13 Jesus said, "Every animal that doesn't bear the Boss's brand will be shipped off to the slaughterhouse. 14 Stay away from them hypocritical preachers. They are like blind city slickers leading blind people on blind horses off the edge of a cliff."

15 Pete asked Jesus, "What was you talkin' about when you said there are things that make a person unfit in the Boss's eyes?"

16 Jesus told him, "Don't any of you have a clue what I was talkin' about? 17 Don't you understand that anything you put in your mouth goes into your belly and will eventually find its way out of your body? 18 But the words that come out of your mouth come from your heart. These words are what will make you unfit accordin' to the Boss. 19 Out of your heart comes the awful things like killing, cheatin' on your spouse, gross sexual excitement, horse thieving, goin' back on your word, and talkin' crap about other people. 20 These are the things the Boss don't like and these are the things that make you unfit."

Real Faith

21 Jesus shucked out and headed for the country around Tyre and Sidon. 22 All of a sudden, a lady from Canaan shouted out, "Jesus, help me! My daughter is full of evil spirits." 23 Jesus never said a word to her but just kept riding. The lady wouldn't give up, so the cowboys asked Jesus if he would tell her to shut up and leave.

24 Jesus finally told her, "I was sent only to the cowboys of Israel! They are like a herd of maverick cattle."

25 The lady came up close to his horse and then got down on her knees and begged, "Please, you're the only one who can help my daughter!"

26 Jesus said, "It isn't right to take a horse away from a cowboy and give it to a city slicker."

27 "That is true my Lord," she said, "but even city slickers are given one ride by a gentle cowboy."

28 Jesus smiled and said, "Lady, you've got a passel of faith and you'll be given what you asked for." At that very moment her daughter was made well.

Jesus Keeps On Healing

29 When he left there, Jesus rode along the shore of Lake Galilee. He rode his horse up on top of a hill and sat there. 30 A whole mess of folks came up there where he was and brought with them people who were in bad shape. Some were blind. Some were deaf. Some were paralyzed and others couldn't talk. They brought 'em before Jesus and he fixed 'em all. 31 Everyone was shocked by what Jesus was able to do. The paralyzed were walkin' and the mutes were talkin'. Everyone was shoutin' and shootin' up in the air in honor of the Boss.

Jesus Gives Sup to Four Thousand

32 Jesus called his cowboys over to him and said, "I feel sorry for all these people. They have been here with us for three days and some of 'em haven't had anything to eat. If some of 'em leave, they might pass out before they get home."

33 His cowboys said, "Man, this place is like a barren desert. We could butcher one hundred cows and not have enough food for all these people."

34 Jesus asked 'em what kind of food they had and they showed him seven small biscuits and some sardines.

35 Jesus hollered for everyone to sit down and then 36 he took the seven biscuits and the can of sardines and gave thanks for them. He then broke them and handed 'em to his cowboys so they could pass 'em out to everybody.

37 Everyone ate as much as they wanted and there was enough leftovers to fill seven large Dutch ovens.

38 There were four thousand cowboys who ate, not counting the womenfolk and little ones.

39 After he sent everyone home with their bellies full, Jesus and his crew got on a ferry and went to the other side of the lake near the town of Magadan.

 
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