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Wednesday, December 4th, 2024
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Read the Bible

Simplified Cowboy Version

John 4

1 Now Jesus knew that the Pharisees had their tally books out and were keeping count of the baptisms that he and John did. 2 (Well, Jesus didn't do the baptizing, his cowboys did.) 3 So he rode out of Judea and off toward Galilee.

Jesus and the Samaritan Lady

4 Jesus was riding through Samaria and 5 came to a town called Sychar. It was right by a ranchito that Jacob had given his son Joseph. 6 Jacob's well was near this small plot of land. Jesus dismounted and stretched his legs next to the well. He'd come a far piece for it just being noon and he was tired. 7 About this time, a Samaritan woman came by to get some water and Jesus asked her, "Would you fetch me a drink, ma'am?" 8 None of his cowboys were there because they'd gone into town to get some food.

9 She nearly fell down when he asked her because Jews don't talk to Samaritans. She said, "Is there something wrong with you? Jews don't talk to Samaritans, and you're asking me to give you a drink?"

10 Jesus replied, "If you had an inkling of the gift God has given, you would ask me for a drink, and I would give you living water."

11 "Well, that might prove a tad difficult for you, sir. You don't even have a rope or a bucket. This well is very deep. So where are you going to get this living water? 12 Do you think your water is better than our ancestor Jacob's? He drank from it himself, and it has sustained us and our livestock for generations."

13 Jesus smiled as he kneeled down by the well and said, "Anyone who drinks this water will eventually get thirsty again. 14 But the water I give is a fountain of youth and gives eternal life."

15 The woman quickly said, "I would take your water in a heartbeat. That way I wouldn't have to walk all the way out here to get water every day."

16 "Go get your husband," Jesus told her.

17 "I don't have one," the woman replied sheepishly.

Jesus said, "I think you're putting lipstick on a pig. 18 Truth is, you have had five husbands and the man you live with now ain't one of them. So, you're right. You don't have a husband."

19 "Sir," she replied in reverence, "I can see you're one of God's cowboys. 20 Tell me why you Jews say you can only worship God in Jerusalem, but our ancestors have always worshiped here."

21 "Believe me, ma'am," Jesus replied, "the time is fast approaching when it won't matter where you worship God. 22 You Samaritans don't know who you are worshiping. Y'all wander around like cowboys trying to gather black cattle at night, but the Jews have the light of day to gather by. God's outfit and eternal life comes from the light of day that the Jews have. 23 But the time is coming—indeed the clock has already struck noon—when real cowboys will ride for a real God. A real ride with God will come from your soul and be true, not from a building. 24 God is real, and those who ride for him must worship him for real also."

25 The lady said, "I know God's Top Hand will come and tell us everything we need to know."

26 Jesus stood up and said, "I AM God's Top Hand."

27 It was then that Jesus's cowboys rode back up with the vittles. They saw that he was talking to a Samaritan lady, but none of them had the nerve to ask why. 28 The lady left all of her stuff there and ran back to the village. She excitedly told the story of what had just occurred to everyone she met along the way. 29 "Quick, come see the cowboy who could read my mind and see into my soul! Go and see for yourself. I think he is God's Top Hand . . . I believe he is the Messiah!" 30 They all looked his way and started heading toward the well.

31 Meanwhile, the cowboys were telling Jesus, "Hey Boss, you need to eat something."

32 But Jesus replied, "I already have food that you cannot fathom."

33 The cowboys began asking each other if maybe someone had already brought him a biscuit or something.

34 Jesus sighed and said, "My strength comes not from the food that goes in your mouth, but by doing what my Father tells me to do. My nourishment is finishing what he has sent me to do. 35 There's a saying, 'In a few months after the calves are born, there will be a branding.' But I'm telling y'all to open your eyes right here. These calves are ready to brand now. 36 The branding crew will be paid good wages, and the calves they brand will be those who will spend eternity on God's outfit. There will be a fine reward for those who did the calving and the branding when the time comes. 37 You know that saying that goes, 'One cowboy calves 'em out and another brands 'em.' And that is the truth. 38 I sent y'all to brand where you did not calve. Other cowboys had already finished that hard job. Now you get to do the fun stuff and brand 'em."

Many Samaritans Saddle up with Jesus

39 Now many Samaritans believed Jesus was the Top Hand because she had said, "He could see inside my soul and knew everything I had ever done." 40 When they went to the well to talk to him, they begged him to stay for a while. He gave a two-day clinic at that little ranchito. He taught them who God was and how to ride for him. 41 And because of this, many people were saved. 42 The villagers said to the woman, "Now we believe, not because of what you said, but because of what he said. He truly is the Savior of the world."

Jesus Heals a Government Worker's Son

43 After he'd finished his two-day clinic, Jesus continued toward Galilee. 44 He had already said that God's cowboys would be respected everywhere except his hometown, 45 but the folks in Galilee were accommodating. They had been in Jerusalem during the Passover and seen everything he did there.

46 He rode through Cana where he'd first turned water into wine. 47 A government worker heard Jesus was there and rushed in to talk to him. His son was sick in nearby Capernaum, and the man begged Jesus to come and heal him before he died.

48 Jesus said, "Y'all only believe when you see wondrous things."

49 The government worker hit his knees and pleaded, "Boss, you're the only one who can help my son. Please come before it's too late."

50 Jesus put a reassuring hand on the man's shoulder and said, "Go home. Your son will be fine." The man believed him and headed out at once.

51 While he was heading back, he ran into one of his servants who had been caring for the boy. The servant told him that his son was alive and well. 52 He asked him when he had recovered and he said that it had been the day before at about one in the afternoon. 53 The man knew that was the time when Jesus had said his son would be okay. Because of this, everyone in the government officials house believed in Jesus.

54 This was the second miracle Jesus had done since coming in from Judea.

 
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