Bible Commentaries
Ephesians 5

Verses 1-7

IMITATING GOD

Follow God's example, therefore, as dearly loved children… Ephesians 5:1

It was the church father, Clement of Alexandria, who daringly said that the Christian needs to practice being God.^(F1) This seems almost to be the idea here. In fact, Wuest relates that it is from the Greek word, mimesis, used in this verse that we get our word "mimic."^(F2) The Bible assures us that we are made in God's image, that we Christians are born of God and that we are to walk as Jesus walked. We are to look like God and act like God as his dear children.

As God's offspring we are to "…walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God" (5:2). The whole Bible assures us that love is the chief characteristic and identifying mark of God.

God's love is so vast and so outreaching that he sent his Son, Jesus, to be the propitiation for our sins. While we were yet sinners Jesus offered himself as a sacrifice to God on our behalf. He became for us the final sin offering (zebach, or minchah in Hebrew). The sin offering was described throughout the Hebrew Old Testament as a "re-ach ne-ho-ach," or a quieting or soothing smell in the nostrils of God (Exodus 29:41; Leviticus 4:31). It was no doubt a smell that temporarily stayed the wrath of God and covered the stench of human sin and disobedience. Here we see that the final offering of Christ is a pleasant aroma that covers on our behalf the stench of our sin forever.

We can see the idea of a fragrant offering in other sacrifices of Israel. It was apparent in the grain offering, where incense was offered to God along with the grain (Leviticus 2:15). It is so obvious in scripture that Jesus "was not merely one kind of sacrifice, or offering, but every kind."^(F3)

"But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people" (5:3). Why does sexual sin seem so much worse than other sin? We know from the Bible that sin is sin and that if we break one commandment we have broken them all. Yet some sins seem darker than others. While some sins may hurt others temporarily, sexual sins touch not only the individuals involved but also the generations to come, ad infinitum. They also greatly interfere with the overall plan of God related to marriage, childbearing and the family. While the worldly philosophers say that sex is a private matter and one can do as he or she pleases, we see that sex when used wrongly touches the lives of many people and it is certainly not a private matter.

David once fell into sexual sin by lusting after the wife of one of his great military heroes. He then went on to commit adultery with her (2 Samuel 11:2-4). The philosophers would say that this was fine and that absolutely no harm was done. However, in order to hide the pregnancy of the woman and cover up a growing national scandal, David later had this soldier killed. David, the great man of God and king of Israel never quite recovered from this sin. His large and beautiful family was later devastated with sexual sin and with murder. Later his own son rebelled against him, snatched away his kingdom, publicly defiled his concubines and even sought David's life.

The Bible looks at sexual sin as having a unique power. Both Jesus and Paul hold to the Jewish interpretation of Genesis 2:24. This Jewish understanding saw that sexual activity had the power to make two persons one. It had the power not only to unify but to create life. Such a great power placed in human hands can have dreadful results. For instance, if a believer falls into immorality, the body of Christ could conceivably become united with the fornicator or prostitute (1 Corinthians 6:15-16).^(F4) The Bible is dead serious when it advises us to flee from sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 6:18).

There must not be even a hint of such things in the Body of Christ. These evil words and concepts should be far from our thinking. The word fornication (porneia) used here reminds us of dark and evil things like pornography. This Greek word is a common and broad term used for fornication and adultery in the New Testament. The other Greek word used in this passage akartharsia, or uncleanness, may refer to a host of abominable and even unnatural sexual acts such as sodomy and bestiality.^(F5)

For so much of the modern and postmodern generation, the understanding of sex has become warped beyond recognition by both Hollywood and the media. We observe that it is all far removed from the beautiful biblical ideals. Indeed, Hollywood's idea of sex is unworkable, unrealistic and positively unhealthy.

In modern and postmodern lingo these Greek words would describe "sleeping around," the "one night stand" where there is absolutely no concern for the other person. What is clearly reflected in such relationships is the other Greek word used in this passage, pleonexia (greed). We might say that "sexual sin is the one place where pride, power, and pleasure are inordinately concentrated."^(F6) It is precisely human greed or lust that fires such abuses. This same word is labeled as "idolatry" in Colossians 3:5. We can easily see how lust and passion can become the god of those who lose control of their desires.

"Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving" (5:4). Paul quickly goes back to the tongue and its abuses as he deals with the deadly sins that Christians should avoid. Here the apostle uses three Greek words that appear nowhere else in the New Testament. They are aiscrothy (filthy language), morologia (foolish talking), and eutrapelia (coarse jesting).^(F7)

Again, the reason that most people use such forbidden expressions is that they have a basic lack of faith and wish to gain status with others by using shocking and attention-getting language. Alas, in the end it usually causes the person involved to lose status in the eyes of the hearers.

The Bible cure for all such talk is thanksgiving. We need to get into such a pattern of thankfulness that it saturates our minds and conversations. David had gotten into such a practice and even in one of the worst experiences of his life he could say: "…I will extol the LORD at all times; his praise will always be on my lips" (Psalm 34:1). "Thanksgiving is the antidote for sin, for it is difficult to both give thanks and sin at the same time."^(F8)

"For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person – such a person is an idolater – has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God" (5:5). If there is one thing for sure, it is that immoral, greedy idolaters will not inherit God's kingdom. One reason that they will not inherit it is that they would never be happy in heaven anyway. The picture we see in Revelation is a sad one for these sinners. We see that they will not only be locked out of the glorious city that God has prepared, but that they will be consigned to awful and eternal punishment (Revelation 21:8).

Paul says, "Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God's wrath comes on those who are disobedient. Therefore do not be partners with them" (5:6-7). Today we are bombarded with such "empty words." Hosts of worldly "wise men" and "wise women" scoff at morality on the TV, in the movies and in other media. Even many so-called religious people cannot conceive of a God who would consign an adulterer to the blazing fire of Hell. It is rapidly becoming unthinkable for the postmodern mind.

Verses 8-14

WALKING IN THE LIGHT

For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth)… Ephesians 5:8-9

Christ came as the "light of the world" (John 8:12). John testified of Jesus saying, "In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it" (John 1:4-5). Since Jesus knew he would not remain physically in the world he chose his followers to be the bearers of his light. He said to them in Matthew 5:14-16, "You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven."

Pastor, Bible teacher and author, David Guzik, remarks here, "Paul doesn't only say that we were once in darkness. He says we were once darkness itself. Now, we are not only in the light, we are light in the Lord."^(F9) This is an amazing transition. Paul then commands, "and find out what pleases the Lord" (5:10). We Christians spend a lot of time wondering whether or not certain things are the Lord's will. If we really are his friends and are really obeying him, we should know what the will of the Lord is (Romans 12:2; Ephesians 5:17). When we love someone it makes it easier to understand that person and that person's desires.

One morning many years ago I was in the process of slowly waking up to some country music on our alarm-clock radio. My wife was still soundly asleep at the time. Then the music was interrupted by a commercial from a local jeweler. In the commercial the jeweler was advertising some eternity rings that had just been received. With that commercial my wife, who was still soundly asleep, said in an almost drugged voice, "I want one of those!" It was like a message from heaven to me. I became fully awake in a moment and resolved to get her what she desired. Even though we were very poor at the time I managed to get this diamond ring for her. A few weeks later I made her a very happy wife by presenting the sparkling ring to her on our twentieth wedding anniversary.

The apostle goes on to advise us: "Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them" (5:11). The Christian has nothing in common with darkness. In 2 Corinthians 6:14 Paul asks, "…What fellowship can light have with darkness?" We know that Christ will someday expose all darkness (1 Corinthians 4:5) and we must be about the same work. The deeds of darkness are fruitless. Nothing grows in the dark but slithering, slimy things. However, in the full light of day the earth abounds with indescribable glory, beauty and fruitfulness.

"It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret" (5:12). Today our modesty is regularly shocked by having unspeakable things spoken of on the TV. It seems that the moral outrages grow worse by the day. Yet, we probably do not know the half of the depravity that is going on in secret. Most of us do not even want to know about the other half. It is possible here that Paul may well have been referring to the Eleusinian and Bacchanalian mystery cults. Their practices were so impure and abominable that the Roman senate finally banished them from the city.^(F10)

"But everything exposed by the light becomes visible – and everything that is illuminated becomes a light" (5:13). In the natural world we see that the moon is exposed to the light of the sun. By its exposure it becomes a source of light in itself.^(F11) A similar process happens in our own lives. When we come in repentance and expose our sins to the Lord and to others, we begin walking in the light. Indeed, we become light to others.

The world-renowned Bible teacher, Derek Prince, once remarked that the blood of Jesus only cleanses in the light. As we bring our sins to the light we are washed and cleansed by the blood of the Lamb. When we seek to hide our sins in darkness, they remain.^(F12) It is also true that when we bury our sins in the dark it is like burying a seed in the ground. Our sin simply sprouts, grows and bears its ugly fruit.

"This is why it is said: 'Wake up, sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you'" (5:14). It is likely that we have here the remnants of an early baptismal formula. The rising from the dead is figurative, being pictured in the rising from the baptismal pool. We are to arise from the darkness of death to walk in light and in newness of life.

Here Paul returns to the Christian walk or the Christian halakhah that we discussed earlier (4:1ff). To walk as wise is to walk circumspectly. This has the idea of "being careful" or constantly taking heed how accurately we are conducting ourselves.

Verses 15-17

GRASPING OPPORTUNITIES

Be very careful, then, how you live – not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Ephesians 5:15-16

The idea that Paul expresses is that we should buy up the time that others seem to be throwing away or wasting. We should buy it up just as a shrewd businessman would buy up a great bargain. Paul's idea here is that each moment of time is a definite opportunity. The same word (Gk. kairon) is actually translated "opportunity" in Galatians 6:10.^(F13)

This story is told of the Methodist frontier preacher, Peter Cartwright. It seems that he was once returning from a meeting and was overtaken by nightfall in the Cumberland Mountains. He arrived at an inn only to discover that a dance was being held that night. After receiving assurances of civil treatment he decided to remain. That evening as the dance went on and the condition of the revelers deteriorated Cartwright felt a powerful urge to preach.

At that moment a striking beauty came up and asked him to dance. To everyone's astonishment and delight he accepted her offer. But as they arrived at the center of the dance floor and as the fiddler raised his bow, Cartwright raised his hand. He explained how he had never taken an important step without first asking the Lord's blessing. With that, he grasped the woman's hand as he dropped to his knees and began praying fervently for everyone's conversion.

There was stunned silence and then pandemonium. Some fled, others wept and still Others fell to their knees. The young woman tried to pull away but could not break Cartwright's grip. Finally she joined him on her knees. Cartwright then exhorted the people to turn from their wicked ways. At last the woman, who was now lying prostrate on the floor began to cry out for God's mercy. This so encouraged Cartwright that he redoubled his efforts, praying, singing and exhorting all night long.

That night many were converted and revival broke out. From that meeting he organized a society, received thirty-two into membership and appointed the innkeeper class leader. The revival then spread to other areas. Cartwright later mused about this meeting, "Several of the young men converted at this Methodist preacher dance became useful ministers of Jesus Christ."^(F14) This is a fine example of "redeeming the time."

"Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is" (5:17). Here once more as in verse 10, Paul exhorts us to understand what the Lord's will is – what pleases him. Perhaps we should stop praying "If it is Thy will…" If we are walking close enough to him and listening carefully to his voice we should know already what the will of the Lord is.

Verse 18

BEING FILLED WITH THE SPIRIT

Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit. Ephesians 5:18.

Here we have a direct command to be filled with the Spirit of God. This command necessarily brings up the whole subject of Holy Spirit filling and Holy Spirit baptism. This subject has been a most divisive one in the last century and even up to the present time. It is utterly amazing that the subject of the Holy Spirit, who is given to bring unity in the church (Ephesians 4:3), ends up by bringing some of the greatest division in all of church history. What can we make of all this? It seems that a lot of the problem is involved with semantics, particularly with the expression "Baptism of the Holy Spirit." Some of the problems are also caused by lack of understanding of the historical development of this doctrine.

It is rather surprising when we search the New Testament for the "Baptism of the Holy Spirit," that we find only seven clear references to the event. These verses are Matthew 3:11; Mark 1:8; Luke 3:16; John 1:33; Acts 1:5; Acts 11:16; and 1 Corinthians 12:13. The interesting thing about these references is that all but one speak of the same thing, of a coming, one-time, historical event. The one that does not speak of this, 1 Corinthians 12:13, seems to be looking back and commenting on this one-time event. It should be pointed out that the historical event appears to have been extended in three distinct and separate stages, for Jews, Samaritans and Gentiles.

This information should help us see that the "Baptism of the Holy Spirit" may not be the best expression to describe the Holy Spirit's coming and work today. It leads to a lot of unnecessary confusion between the one-time historical event and the subsequent work of the Spirit. Much better terminology would probably be the "filling of the Holy Spirit" as we see in this verse, or the common expression "Spirit filled." While being filled with the Spirit describes our initial Holy Spirit experience at conversion, as in the case of Paul (Acts 9:17), it also describes a common and continuing experience of the Lord's followers (Acts 4:8; 4:31; 13:9; &13:52). Wiersbe mentions that the verb pl"roō is used in the present tense. Its meaning is that we "keep on being filled." Since the verb is passive we realize that we do not fill ourselves but we allow the Spirit to fill us.^(F15)

We know from the Bible that the Holy Spirit is an absolute necessity in the Christian life. In Romans 8:9 we read, "…And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Christ." Also, as we look carefully at Jesus' answer to Nicodemus in John 3:5-7, we see that the Holy Spirit simply must accompany the new birth.

So, the Christian life cannot be lived without the Holy Spirit's presence within. God's Spirit is necessary for worship (John 4:24), for our walk (Galatians 5:16), for the exercise of spiritual gifts (1 Corinthians 12:27-31), and for the production of spiritual fruit (Galatians 5:22-26).

We now must ask, how does the Spirit come? Does he come directly from heaven in what many have called a "second blessing," subsequent to the salvation experience? Or, does this heavenly gift miraculously well up from the Holy Spirit's presence within the life of the redeemed individual?

If we say that the Spirit's coming is subsequent to our salvation, we open ourselves up to some insurmountable theological problems. For instance, how can a person be saved without the Holy Spirit? We also may even generate some spiritual problems for ourselves if we tend to look upon other Christians who have not had "the baptism" as inferior or even incomplete. This practice disputes the clear teaching of scripture, for we are told not to consider ourselves better than others (Philippians 2:3). This is indeed a source of much tension in the church today and has caused many to show contempt for the Holy Spirit's work.

It will also help us immensely if we realize that several instances of the Holy Spirit's coming in scripture are occasions where special problems existed and were dealt with. In Acts 8 we have the story of Philip and the Samaritans. Although the Samaritans were not Jews, they were partly Jewish. God seems to be dealing with them as a separate case, directly pouring out his Spirit upon them through the apostles. In Acts chapters 10-11, we have the story of Peter taking the gospel to the Gentiles. Again, this is a special situation and God pours out his Spirit on the Gentiles just as he did at Pentecost upon the Jews (11:17). In Acts 19, we have the account of Paul and some disciples of John the Baptist. This is also a very special case, in that these men were not actually followers of Jesus, and thus not born again. We should be careful in using these special situations to prove that Holy Spirit baptism comes subsequent to our salvation.

To really gain an understanding here we need to go back to the earlier concepts of the "already" and the "not yet."^(F16) With these concepts we see that we "already" have the Holy Spirit in our lives because of the new birth. Still, we do "not yet" have the fullness of the Spirit that we desire and need.

We see several scriptures that seem to describe the Holy Spirit's dwelling in us from conversion and welling up within us. In 2 Peter 1:3-4, the apostle says, "His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires."

We remember that Paul, in our glorious introduction to Ephesians, exclaims, "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ" (Ephesians 1:3). It is thus quite true that the best of heaven was given to us with Jesus. In Colossians 2:9-10 (NKJ), Paul even says, "For in Him dwells all the fullness of the Godhead bodily; and you are complete in Him."

In John 4:14 Jesus says, "but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." He speaks of it again in John 7:37-38, "On the last and greatest day of the festival, Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, 'Let anyone who is thirsty come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them'"

To sum up, the Holy Spirit was given in a one-time historical occurrence. This was a general outpouring of the Spirit upon all flesh (Acts 2:14-21; Joel 2:28). When Jesus comes to the individual life at our conversion he apparently brings with him, in a seminal form, this heavenly treasure, along with many others. The Holy Spirit and the baptizer in the Holy Spirit now live within us.

Thus those who are waiting and tarrying for years, hoping this gift will be poured out upon them from heaven seem mistaken. The gift is already given and we have it available to us today because Jesus lives within the believer's life. What we need is a supernatural and miraculous release of the Spirit, so that the Holy Spirit deep within us may become a springing well. We need the Spirit to overcome and break out of the fleshly prison where we have him confined. For sure this is a glorious, miraculous and mysterious process. Since the Holy Spirit is God, we will not be able to fully understand him or his workings within us.

We must realize that the filling of the Holy Spirit is available and necessary for each of us. In Acts 2:39, we read, "The promise is for you and your children and for all who are far off – for all whom the Lord our God will call." Today "much of the weakness, defeat and lethargy in our spiritual lives can be attributed to the fact that we are not being filled with the Holy Spirit."^(F17)

The Holy Spirit's filling and full control of our lives will thrust us into an entirely new dimension of life and service. So far as the spiritual gifts are concerned, we need to earnestly seek and desire the best gifts that the Lord has to offer (1 Corinthians 12:31; 1 Corinthians 14:1). We must not be fearful of the spiritual gifts. We must not be fearful even of the gift of tongues. God desires that all these spiritual things flow from our lives.

Verses 19-20

WALKING IN THE SPIRIT

speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, … Ephesians 5:19

One early witness to Christian worship was the pagan philosopher, Pliny. He reports of the Christians that "they sang among themselves hymns to Christ as God."^(F18) In our church experience most of us are still familiar with hymns. We are not so familiar with the singing of Psalms, but this was a common practice a few generations ago. However, we may not be at all familiar with spiritual songs. We might ask a question here, "When was the last time we spoke to ourselves or to someone else in a spiritual song?" Paul fully expects us to be doing this very thing and doing it on a regular basis.

We could say that the spiritual song might be describing the choruses we often sing or even the new songs we may receive from the Spirit. However, it is likely that Paul has something else in mind. In 1 Corinthians 14:15, he makes this puzzling statement, "…I will pray with my spirit, but I will also pray with my understanding; I will sing with my spirit, but I will also sing with my understanding." The context of this passage is that of speaking in supernatural, unknown spiritual languages or tongues.

It is likely that Paul is instructing us to exercise this spiritual gift, not only in our own private devotions but sometimes with others. A spontaneous spiritual song sung in tongues can not only be beautiful but can be a great blessing and inspiration to the Body of Christ. Of course, it becomes a greater blessing if the one singing can also bring the interpretation.

"Always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ" (5:20). So we see that in everything we are to give thanks. As we mature in the Lord we should learn to be thankful every moment of our lives. Ingratitude is a serious threat to the Christian life. It is like a hole in the dam. That small hole will grow larger and larger until it brings disaster. We must learn to be thankful. We are children of God and he has already given us so much in Jesus as we have seen in Ephesians. We should not disappoint our Father by being ungrateful.

In Shakespeare's King Lear these tragic lines are spoken:

Ingratitude, thou marble-hearted fiend,
More hideous, when thou show'st thee in a child,
Than the sea-monster (1.4.283)
…How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is
To have a thankless child! (1.4.312)

David was a person whose life was full of thanksgiving. On one occasion when he was hiding in a cave and Philistine soldiers were all around, he expressed this longing, "…Oh, that someone would get me a drink of water from the well near the gate of Bethlehem!" (2 Samuel 23:15). Upon hearing this, a few of his brave men broke through the Philistine garrison and brought David water from the well. However David, in his thankfulness to the men and to God, refused to drink the water that had come at such a price. He instead poured it out as an offering to the Lord.

In recent times there has been an interpretation around that we should give thanks even for all the bad things that happen to us. This is not exactly the meaning of this verse. Wuest says, "It is most accordant therefore with the context, to understand the 'all' as referring to all the blessings of the Christian, the whole good that comes to him from God."^(F19) Now obviously, it shows a great deal of spiritual maturity if we can continue to give thanks even in the midst of our trials.

Verses 21-24

"ONE ANOTHER" SUBMISSION

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ Ephesians 5:21

Paul now deals with the subject of submission. Now that we are filled with the Spirit of God we should be anxious to show submission to each other.^(F20) We see that real Christian submission is a "one another" kind of thing. For several years certain segments of the Charismatic movement were in the grips of what came to be called "Shepherding." This doctrine ended up being a hardline movement toward submission. Unfortunately it was not a "one another" type submission but a "one" type submission. Everyone had to submit totally to the one leader, and that involved even the very small decisions of life. Numerous people were hurt seriously before this movement finally ran its course.

We must understand that no one but Christ has the right to demand total submission of us. On one occasion Paul gave some advice concerning this. He did not say "Follow me," but he said, "Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ" (1 Corinthians 11:1). This is a good biblical attitude for leaders. With this in mind let us approach a few scriptures that lately have become some of the most difficult ones in the whole Bible.

"Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord" (5:22). There is a prescribed order to things in the world. God made it that way. When we see a flock of geese or ducks there is always a leader. The same is true when we see a school of fish. There is one person who is leader of a country; one general who is leader of an army; one pastor who is leader of a church and one person who is leader of a family. In the case of the family that person is the husband. It has been said that "there never was any kind of effective organization that functioned without a head."^(F21)

Paul makes it clear that the wife is to submit to the husband and his spiritual headship (cf. Colossians 3:18; Titus 2:5; 1 Peter 3:1). This submission has nothing to do with inferiority, lack of talent or intelligence on the part of the wife. But rather it has to do with mission. There is a spiritual mission to marriage and this mission is involved with bringing glory to God. For this mission to succeed there must be "submission."^(F22)

So in this sense, the submission in marriage is somewhat like submission in the military. In fact the Greek word used (hupotassō) has the meaning "to be under rank" and is thus a military word. In the military the private may be much smarter than the general, but he is "under rank" to the general, not because he is a person but because he is the general.^(F23) Things can run smoothly in the military, in the nations, in the church and in the family only when there is submission to God's prescribed order of things.

We should note that this submission is "as to the Lord." This expression "colors everything else we understand about this passage."^(F24) This expression makes marriage much different than the military since the husband is also under the authority of the Lord and must act with sincere love toward the wife. The wife submits to the husband because she is submitted to the Lord. Does this mean that the wife must submit to him regardless of what he does? Must she submit to an adulterer; become partner with a thief; be led into sin by him; or to suffer physical abuse by him? She certainly cannot have part in these things precisely because she is submitted to the Lord.^(F25)

Submission does not mean that the man can boss the woman around. My old pastor used to say that "Authority is like soap. The more you use it the less you have." Barnes says "where commands begin in this relation, happiness usually ends; and the moment a husband requires a wife to do anything, it is usually a signal of departing or departed affection and peace."^(F26)

So in the marriage relationship this "one another" type submission is prominent. It is not a hierarchical arrangement of headship. In many ways there is mutual submission. Generally the wife submits to the husband's mechanical abilities as he repairs the car. While the husband submits to the wife's motherly abilities as she nurses the baby or prepares the meal.^(F27)

There are times when a husband really needs to listen to his wife. Somehow we men do not hear as well as the women on certain occasions. Someone (a lady) once remarked that every time God calls a man in scripture he has to call him twice, like "Moses, Moses," or "Saul, Saul." There may be something to that.

Paul says, "For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior" (5:23). It is clear in the Bible that God has established man as the lord over creation. Creation in this sense would also include the wife.

Obviously many biblical concepts have been turned upside down in the last half-century. Much of this change began with the feminist movement which gained great force in the 1950s. It was at this time that a feminist milestone was reached in the publication of The Second Sex, written by the French existentialist, atheist, and abortion advocate Simone de Beavuoir. Later in 1964, Betty Friedan introduced her bestseller, The Feminine Mystique.^(F28)

The African-American writer, Star Parker, comments on these publications and the trends that followed. She says, "They had a common goal: the deconstruction of the family to make way for a socialist utopia."^(F29) The trends in feminist thinking were enhanced by the Equal Rights Amendment in 1971 and the Row v. Wade decision of the Supreme Court in 1973. This decision made it possible for a woman to have a first-trimester abortion by only consulting her doctor.^(F30)

Many of these changes were devastating for the woman and the family. Women suddenly felt pressed into the workplace and almost overnight home prices doubled to the point that two salaries were often necessary for a family to qualify for housing. From that point on for many women there was no longer a choice for them to stay at home and nurture the children. Delicate women were forced to take jobs that were formerly done by strong muscular men. Women found themselves struggling to deliver sixty pound packages for UPS. They found themselves working long hours often at low pay.

The last 30-40 years have brought an avalanche of changes regarding marriage and the family. Most of these changes have not been positive. The number of abortions has skyrocketed, as well as the number of divorces. Many children must now live in single parent homes headed up by the mother. This works an almost unbearable hardship on the single mom.

Coffman remarks about these developments:

Women will not, in any sense, gain by the change. Apart from the teachings of Jesus Christ and the apostles, the status of woman in society has tended to be lower and lower…Like the poor prodigal who resented the restrictions of his incumbency in the father's house, but found those of the "far country" to be far more cruel and oppressive, woman may choose to forsake the gains of the centuries in the Father's house for the fancied delights of "the far country;" but, if so, she will find, as did the prodigal, that Satan is still in the swine business!^(F31)

We do not have to look far in the Bible to see that God is pro-marriage and pro-family. We see in Genesis 2:23-24, that man spoke these words at the creation of woman:

The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man." For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

There are certain principles that underlie all relationships between man and woman in the Bible. The first is that man was created before the woman (1 Corinthians 11:8). The second is that the woman was taken out of man as we see in the above Genesis reference. The third is that the woman was the first to fall into sin (Genesis 3:1-6; 1 Timothy 2:14). The fourth is that deliverance from sin would ultimately come through the seed of the woman (Genesis 3:15).

As in the case with many other doctrines, we find that the basis of relationship between the sexes can be traced back to the book of Genesis and to these foundational doctrines. Now we can dismiss or ridicule these doctrines as many in the world have done and as even many Christian teachers have done. They have done so in their attempt to be "politically correct." On the other hand, we can accept them and be "biblically correct." God will give us light and understanding as we accept these principles and meditate upon them.

"Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything" (5:24). We will see in the rest of the Bible that the roles of man and woman continue to reflect these basic principles. While there is absolutely no difference between man and woman in regards to salvation or to the degree God loves or accepts each of them, there is a great difference in calling and purpose. God looks to the man to be the head of the family, to provide for them and to answer to him in spiritual matters. This is God's order. Thus in a spiritual sense man is the head of the woman (1 Corinthians 11:3). God looks to him for an accounting and he has a special responsibility to love the wife and to care for her. In 1 Corinthians 11:11-12, we see the balancing out of this seemingly harsh doctrine, "Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God."

Verses 25-33

LESSONS FROM JESUS AND HIS BRIDE

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her… Ephesians 5:25

Now we see the positive side of these principles. A man must love his wife with the same self-giving, sacrificial love that Christ has demonstrated for the church. We have to say that if men loved their wives in such a way it would be much easier for the wife to submit to the husband's spiritual leadership.

True biblical love can be a wonderful thing. My wife and I have been married well over fifty years. We have great respect for each other but my wife has always looked to me for the spiritual leadership of the family. When we see people out in the world we feel we have an almost unfair advantage. We have all the things they are seeking, true love, companionship, satisfaction, happiness, and blessings. They will not find these things because they are looking in the wrong places. After over fifty years of marriage my wife and I still act like newlyweds. When one of us drives away from the house we still wave and blow kisses to each other.

The biblical pattern is a beautiful thing and it is most advantageous for the wife. Barnes describes it well saying, "It is the duty of the husband to toil for her support; to provide for her wants; to deny himself of rest and ease, if necessary, in order to attend on her in sickness; to go before her in danger; to defend her if she is in peril; and to be ready to die to save her."^(F32) We must ask, "Why would the woman think all this was bad?"

Paul says that the husband is "to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word," (5:26). The apostle is here primarily switching the picture to the church. The process of sanctification is that process whereby Christ washes us with the Holy Spirit and with the water of the word of God. However, since the husband is the priest of his house there is a lesser sense in which he also washes his wife and family on a daily basis with the same word of God.

Several commentators have felt that there is an allusion here to the ancient practice of purifying women who were to become the consorts of kings.^(F33) We see in the Book of Esther that this was an extremely long and complicated process. In Esther 2:12 we read, "Before a young woman's turn came to go in to King Xerxes, she had to complete twelve months of beauty treatments prescribed for the women, six months with oil of myrrh and six with perfumes and cosmetics."

The Lord's purpose is to "…present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless" (5:27). We see that before Jesus is finished with things, his church will be brought to absolute perfection.^(F34) The completion of this process will likely take place in the last days. Until that time of judgment and refining comes the church will continue on to be a mixture of good and evil. Unfortunately this is the law of the kingdom. We see all over the New Testament. The wheat and tares must grow in the field together until the harvest (Matthew 13:30). Also the good and bad fish are not separated until the net is drawn in (Matthew 13:48).

Someone has mentioned that it takes a hot iron to get wrinkles out. In the great heat and pressure of the end day the Lord will completely purify his church. Wiersbe mentions that spots are on the outside and are caused by outer defilement while wrinkles are caused by decay on the inside.^(F35) In the last day the Lord will cleanse and nourish the church so that both of these defilements will disappear.

Paul says, "In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself" (5:28). "Men care for their bodies even though they are imperfect and so they should care for their wives though they are imperfect."^(F36)

"After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church – for we are members of his body" (5:29-30). In the natural sense the man has responsibility to his wife for food clothing and marital rights. (Exodus 21:10). We see other aspects of the marriage requirements in Hosea 2:19-20, "I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the LORD." Regarding the Lord and his church we realize that most of these things are fulfilled both in the natural and spiritual sense.

"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh" (5:31). This concept is far removed from the modern and postmodern ideas of sex and marriage. As we have seen, sex is now regarded as an impersonal thing that can be done supposedly without any sense of true love, attachment or responsibility. Sex has almost become a social sport. We may well wonder if we have now lost the essential ingredients that make real marriage and its enjoyment possible. We may also wonder if we have now muddled the true meaning of Christ and his bride, the church.

The secular world is further complicating the problem by continuing to minimize the differences between the sexes. The theologian, J. I. Packer remarks about all this with his tongue and cheek assessment, "The ideology of 'unisex' which plays down the significance of the two genders, thus perverts God's order, while the French tag on gender distinction, 'vive la difference!' (Long live the contrast!) expresses the biblical viewpoint."^(F37)

Paul says, "This is a profound mystery – but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband" (5:32-33). In the spiritual sense this "signifies that Jesus left his Father in order to cleave to us so that we may be one with him."^(F38) He loves us with his divine and heavenly love. The church must respect him as its husband. But in the natural sense the husband is to love and care for his wife in a similar manner.