Bible Commentaries
2 Samuel 13

Verses 1-39

Chapter 13

So we find that the problems begin very soon thereafter.

David had a son by the name of Amnon, and Amnon was talking with a man who was called his friend ( 2Sa 13:1 , 2 Samuel 13:3 ),

Yet, I would challenge that, because any man who would help you and advise you in the fulfilling of a sinful desire, could not be a true friend to you. Any man who would encourage you to a sinful act, cannot be a true friend. Amnon was sick. Friend said, "What's the matter with you?" He said, "Oh, I'm so in love with my sister Tamar!" She was actually a half sister to him. She was the daughter of David, but she was the daughter of the Geshurite wife, who was also the mother of Absalom, David's son. He said, "I'm just sick. I'm so in love with her. I can't eat; I can't do anything. I'm in love, in love."

The fellow said, "Well, look just lie in your bed and pretend that you're really sicker than you are. And when your dad comes to visit say, "Oh dad, let my sister Tamar come, and fix meat in my sight, and feed me. It'll make me feel so much better!"

So David came to visit his son Amnon, and Amnon said, Oh dad if you'd just allow Tamar to come, and fix me some bread, and some food in my sight, and feed me, oh it'd make me feel so good! So David sent Tamar over, and there in his sight she baked the bread and all, fixed it for him. He said, she went to give it to him, and he said, Oh no! And he sent all of the servants out. He said, Bring it into my bedroom, and feed it to me. So she went into the bedroom, and he grabbed hold of her, and he said, Lie with me. She said, Oh Amnon don't do this sin. This is wrong! Look if you just ask my father David, he'd probably make arrangements, I could marry you. [Don't do this.] But he did not hearken to her voice, but he raped her. Then he sent her out, said, Get out of here! For there came an abhorrence of her, and the hatred of her was greater than the love that he had previously felt ( 2 Samuel 13:8-15 )!

It is interesting how closely akin are our emotions. Emotions are sort of a weird thing. Now many gifted, public speakers know how to play on the emotions of the people. They will tell jokes for the purpose of getting people to laugh because they know if they can get people really laughing, that it isn't but just a little click for people, you're emotions are in gear, your emotions are working, once your emotions are working, they can do weird things. You can go from laughing to crying in just a moment! Have you ever seen a baby, and the change of emotions? You come in and they'll... and then all of a sudden, the lip will turn down, and they'll start to cry. You think, "What happened?" But that's just how crazy our emotions are. So speakers, some of the psychological speakers that know that emotions are this way, they tell these jokes, get everybody laughing, and then they can just flip them on to tears. Because you've got your emotions going now, and once they're going, you can just play games with them.

Now Amnon expressed a tremendous love for his sister, which was not a love at all. One of the statements that is made so often today which really is so far from true, that it should be banished as a phraseology. It's for a person to say, "Let's make love," as though the sex act is making love. Many times there is absolutely no love at all involved in the sex act. It is purely a person seeking gratification for a certain biological drive but no real true love involved at all. People who go to the bars on Friday nights to find their true lover, will never find them. They will find an experience and it is interesting, a fellow says, "Well, I'm going out to look for a girl tonight. I want to find someone to make love with."

In reality he's not even really looking for a girl. He's only looking to satisfy a biological drive within him. A girl happens to be necessary to satisfy that drive. But he's not really looking for a girl, he's not really looking for love, he's not really looking for a meaningful experience. We see the world around us living like animals. There's no difference between that and the animal kingdom. There is no love involved in those kinds of experiences, and it's tragic, it's tragic that so often people desiring and wanting love are going out seeking to find love in that kind of an experience. Women are so often such suckers because they will give sex to get love, or get what they hope will be love, but you never get love that way. Men will give love in order to get sex. That is they will give a demonstration of love, so one disappointment after another, one heartbreak after another, one disappointing experience after another and the crazy world around us, searching for love. Hollywood has deceived them all, thinking that love is some romantic moment under the moon that you can just fall in love.

But the case of Amnon is a very classic case in point, how that he was only using his sister. He had no real desire for her, for her benefit! He was only seeking for his own personal gratification, and once it came, he discarded the object like a dirty rag, would have nothing to do with her. He wasn't looking for a meaningful relationship. He wasn't looking for a wife. He wasn't looking for someone that he could bestow true love upon, and to benefit her, and to build her up, and to bless her with his actions of kindness and goodness. He was just seeking an object through which he could satisfy his own fleshly desires, and was willing to discard her once that had been accomplished.

Gals when are you gonna wake up? If that fellow who's coming on so strong, the fellow who's desiring to have sex with you before you get married, trying to rush things, trying to give you the old baloney about, "Everybody does it, and after all how are we gonna know if we're really matched or not." He's not really looking to give true love and meaningful love. He's putting on a big act, so he can gratify his own fleshly desires. When you no longer satisfy those fleshly desires, he'll discard you, and you're gonna be left heartbroken, disillusioned. That's not the kind of love you need, that's not the kind of love you want. That's not the kind of love that God wants you to have. God wants you to have a meaningful experience of love, and the sex act is not intended to just be a clinical, biological action, fulfilling certain biological drives. But it is intended to be an expression of real love. You'll find that in marriage and no place else. People though are sadly deceived, especially in this world in which we live today, because Hollywood has made the big lie, and people are gullible and have fallen for it.

God has laid down the rules. You follow the rules, you're gonna find fulfillment and satisfaction, and a meaningful relationship. You violate the rules, and you're going to get hurt. You're going to get burned.

Tamar disgraced, wearing this coat of many colors because all of the princesses and princes wore these colorful coats. With the girls it was a special robe that designated her virginity. Being kicked out of the house, the servants,

he said to the servant, Eject her, and she was forcefully ejected from the house. She put ashes on her head, she took her robe of virginity and ripped it, and she went crying down the street ( 2 Samuel 13:17-19 ).

Now it wasn't Tamar's fault at all. She was raped! Amnon was totally at fault in this thing. But the tragedy of the whole story is this, David because of what he had done, couldn't discipline Amnon for it. He didn't say a thing to Amnon. There was no disciplining. There was no rebuking. David was a lousy father, totally derelict in discipline. He suffered the result of it in his children.

That is why no doubt the reason why Solomon wrote so much about the importance of disciplining children. He saw in his own family the effect of the lack of discipline, because David was not a disciplinarian. Here he didn't say a thing to Amnon. Another son that rebelled against him later on, it said that David never once said anything to displease that child. Now that doesn't make a child love you! The child actually hated David and rebelled against him. Solomon, seeing this in his own home, wrote so much about the importance of disciplining a child. "The foolishness of the world is bound up in the heart of the child, but the rod of instruction driveth it far from him. If you spare the rod, you'll spoil the child. A child left to himself is going to bring disgrace to his mother." All of these things about discipline, the necessity of discipline and all, because David was such a totally poor disciplinarian.

But he felt his own guilt. Because of his own guilt, what he had done was not really much worse than what Amnon had done. Thus, he did not feel that he could really speak to him about it. Amnon was really sort of allowed to go without being punished.

Except Absalom, [the brother of Tamar] hated Amnon for this, and waited his day ( 2 Samuel 13:22 ).

And two years later, he said to David, "I want to throw a big party. I want all my brothers to come!"

David said, "Oh, why you want to do that?"

"I want the whole family!"

David said, "Oh, I'm too busy I don't want to come."

He said, Well if you don't come, then let Amnon come ( 2 Samuel 13:26 ).

He said, "Why do you want Amnon to come?" He just was insisting.

Amnon came to the party that Absalom threw, and Absalom said to his servants, "Kill him, thrust him through." So the servants of Absalom took Amnon and they killed him. And Absalom fled to his grandfather. He fled to the city of the Geshurites ( 2 Samuel 13:27 , 2 Samuel 13:34 , 2 Samuel 13:38 ).

If you will remember David had made one of his incursions against the Geshurites, and he took the daughter of the king as his wife, and she bore Absalom. So actually Absalom a sort of a Bedouin type of a tribe, and he was heading to his grandfather's house on the other side to live with his grandfather, and there be more or less protected from David's vengeance.

And so Absalom fled to Geshur [In verse thirty-seven, thirty-eight, thirty-nine.], and he was there for three years, at Talmai who was his mother's father. [His grandfather.] Now David longed to see Absalom ( 2 Samuel 13:37-39 ).

Actually now that Amnon is dead, he can't do anything for him, and he longs to see Absalom. "