Lectionary Calendar
Wednesday, December 4th, 2024
the First Week of Advent
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Read the Bible

Simplified Cowboy Version

Mark 8

1 "Seven."

2 Jesus called all his cowboys over to him and said, "I feel sorry for all these people here. They've been here with us for three days and most of them haven't even eaten. 3 Some of 'em are so weak they wouldn't even make it home before they fell out."

4 A few of his cowboys asked, "Where could we find enough tortillas in this desolate country to feed everyone?"

5 Jesus answered 'em, "How many tortillas do y'all have?"

"Seven," they counted.

6 Jesus told everyone to take a seat. He took the seven tortillas and tore 'em in half as he gave thanks. He began handing the pieces to the cowboys so they could pass 'em out. 7 They also had a few pieces of beef jerky. After giving thanks for these, too, he told the cowboys to pass them out as well. 8 Everyone that was there had plenty of tortillas and enough beef jerky to satisfy the lot of 'em. 9 There were four thousand people and that was just counting the men.

Jesus immediately sent everyone home and he and his cowboys 10 struck a long trot for the area around Dalmanutha.

Bigwig Preachers Want a Miracle

11 When he got where he was going, some bigwig preachers started demanding a sign from heaven to test him. 12 Jesus shook his head in bewilderment and wondered, "Why are y'all always looking for proof? I'm telling y'all right now that no sign will be given to you." 13 He saddled right back up and rode back the way he'd come.

Yeast and Biscuits

14 As they were on the trail, they had forgotten to get some provisions and just had one little old loaf of bread. 15 Jesus used it as an illustration and said, "Y'all be careful. Beware of the yeast that infiltrates the biscuits of Herod and all them bigwig preachers."

16 With that being said, they began to argue about whether or not to eat the bread they had. Jesus shook his head, amazed that they couldn't understand something as simple as what he'd said. 17 So he asked 'em, "Why are you squabblin' over bread? Have any of you been paying attention to what's happened? 18 You have eyes don't you? You have ears don't you? 19 Did any of you see what happened when I fed the five thousand with five loaves? How many baskets of leftovers did y'all pick up?"

"Twelve," they said.

20 "And when I fed the four thousand with seven tortillas, how many baskets of leftovers did you pick up then?"

21 "Do you still not see and get it?" Jesus asked.

The Blind See

22 When they finally reached Bethsaida, a blind man was brought to Jesus for healing. 23 He led the man outside the town, and after spitting in the guy's eyes, Jesus placed his hands on the man's eyes and asked, "What do you see?"

24 The fellow said, "I see people, but they look like walking bushes."

25 Jesus placed his hands on the man's eyes again. When the man opened his eyes again, he saw everything the way he should. 26 Jesus sent him home, but told him not to go back to town.

The Word on the Street

27 Jesus and his cowboys rode off toward Caesarea Philippi. While they were riding along, Jesus asked, "What's the word on the street about me?"

28 They said, "Some say John the Baptist reborn and others call you Elijah, or some others say a cowboy of God from the old days."

29 Jesus continued to look ahead and said, "Who do y'all think I am?"

Pete spat his words quickly, "You are the Chosen One. The one God said he'd send to save us all."

30 After a long silence, Jesus said, "Don't tell anyone else . . . not yet."

Tellin' Them Flat-Out about His Death

31 Then Jesus told 'em about all the things the Son of Man would go through. He told 'em about all the suffering and rejection he would face from the religious know-it-alls, bigwig preachers, and others. He told 'em flat-out he would die and three days later he would be raised from the dead.

32 During this conversation, Pete took Jesus aside and tried to scold him about talking about such foolish things.

33 Jesus wasn't having none of it and said loud enough for everyone to hear, "Get back Satan before I stomp a mud hole in ya. You're only looking at things from a man's perspective and not the ways of God."

34 About this time, there were a bunch of people around. Jesus stood up in his stirrups and let out a whistle for everyone to pay attention. 35 He told 'em all, "If anyone wants to ride for my outfit, he's gotta give up always looking out for himself. You've got be ready for the world to make fun of you. Be ready to saddle up with me every single day. Any cowboy who rides for himself will end up dead, but anyone who rides only for me and the good news will find true life. 36 What good does owning the whole world do for a cowboy without a soul? 37 What kind of man would trade his soul for a two dollar lie? 38 If any cowboy is ashamed to ride with me down here, that fellow won't find himself riding in the green pastures of heaven with the Boss and his angels."

 
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