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Jesus Fixes a Paralyzed Man

¹ A few days later, Jesus rode back to Capernaum and news spread quickly that he was back in the home country. ² So many people gathered at the house Jesus was at that there was no longer any room to stand, not even by the door. But Jesus preached the good news to all who were there and could hear him. ³ Some people brought a paralyzed fellow to see him, but they couldn't even get in the house. ⁴ These guys were so adamant about getting their friend to Jesus that they climbed up on the roof and dug out the section right above where he was talking. They lowered their friend on a stretcher right down in front of him. Jesus smiled and admired their boldness and their faith. ⁵ He said to the paralyzed man, "Your sins have been forgotten."

⁶ There were some religious experts watching and they were all thinking, ⁷ "Who does this cowboy think he is? Only God can forgive sins."

⁸ Quick as a cow kick, Jesus knew exactly what these so called "religious experts" were thinking. He decided to clear the air. He asked them, "Why are your thoughts so screwed up with what I just did? ⁹ Is it easier to say that a man's sins are forgotten or is it easier to tell him to get up and walk? ¹⁰ But just so you know that God's Top Hand has the authority on earth to forget sins . . ." He turned to the paralyzed man and said, ¹¹ "Stand up cowboy. Take your bedroll and go home."

¹² Immediately the paralyzed man stood up and did as he was told. He walked out of the house in front of them all. Everyone was slack-jawed. They started saying, "We've never seen anything like this!"

Jesus Recruits a Tax Collector

¹³ Jesus rode out again along the area close by the sea. A whole crowd came with him and he gave them a clinic on how to ride for God's outfit. ¹⁴ As they continued on their travels to spread the good news, he saw a fellow named Levi sitting in a tax collector's booth. "Saddle up, cowboy," he said to him. Levi left everything right there and rode off with them.

¹⁵ They rode over to Levi's place to have some grub and a lot of Levi's friends were there. These fellows were all tax collectors, outcasts, and outlaws. ¹⁶ When the religious experts and bigwig preachers saw who Jesus was eating with, they asked his cowboys, "Why does he eat with such lowlifes?"

¹⁷ When Jesus heard their question, he said to them. "Those who are healthy don't need to be doctored, but those who are sick do. I have not come to gather the old pet cows, but the outcasts and outlaws with nines in their tails."

A Talk about Missin' Meals

¹⁸ There was this one time that the guys who rode with John the Baptist, as well as some other goody-goody preachers, were going without food for religious reasons. All these folks came to Jesus and asked, "Why do all those who follow John, and those who follow the Pharisees, go without food in order to get closer to God, but your cowboys don't?"

¹⁹ Jesus smiled a wry smile and said, "If a cowboy invites his buddies over for a BBQ, he doesn't expect them to go hungry, does he? Of course not. As long as the cowboy is cooking, his guests will be eating. ²⁰ There will come a time when the cowboy will no longer be around and that is when they will fast. ²¹ Besides, you don't put a new patch on old wranglers. If you do, you'll end up with a bigger tear than when you started. ²² Also, you can't put new hooch in an old wineskin. If you do, the new hooch will expand and bust the wineskin open. New wine is poured in a new wineskin."

Discussin' the Day of Rest

²³ A little while after that, Jesus and his cowboys were riding through some grain fields on the day of rest. They got hungry and picked some heads of wheat for a quick snack. ²⁴ Some of those bigwig preachers saw this and accused them of violating the Sacred day of rest.

²⁵ Jesus replied calmly, "Didn't you read where David and his cowboys got hungry and went in and ²⁶ ate the special bread. You all know it is against the Law for anyone to eat it except the priests?" ²⁷ Then he told them, "The day of rest was made for cowboys. Cowboys were not made for the day of rest. God's Top Hand is Boss—even of the day of rest."