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Simplified Cowboy Version
Luke 9
Jesus Sends His Hands to Gather
1 Jesus called his twelve cowboys to him and told 'em to listen up. He gave 'em all power to whip demons and cure cankers and cancers.
2 He then sent them out to tell everyone the good news about God's outfit. 3 He told 'em, "Just take what you need and nothing else. Don't take a pack horse or even saddle bags. Don't stick any money into the bottom of your boots for emergency and don't even take your slicker. 4 When people are glad to see you, stay at their place until you leave. 5 If people are unfriendly toward you, then leave that ranch and shake the dust off your boots, so you don't spread their hate around."6 So Jesus dropped 'em off at different points on the first gatherin', and they gave clinics on the good news and how to ride in God's outfit. The cowboys healed folks from all over.
Herod's Question
7 When Herod, the fellow who ran the area of Galilee, heard about all these things that were happening, he started getting a sinking feeling because folks were saying that John the Baptizer had come back to life.
8 Still other rumors were saying that Elijah had returned. The stories also included that it was another long-dead cowboy of God who was doing all of this. 9 When receiving a report one day, Herod stated, "I cut the Baptizer's head off. But if it ain't him doing all these miracles, then who could it be?" And Herod wanted to see for himself this man named Jesus.The Five Thousand Feeding
10 The cowboys all returned and were telling the tales of the trail. They rode off by themselves to a place near Bethsaida so Jesus could talk to 'em.
11 Word got around that Jesus and his boys were out there and a whole mess of people showed up. Jesus welcomed them and gave them some clinics on how to ride for God. He even healed a bunch of the sick.12 Late in the evening, the twelve cowboys came up to Jesus and said, "Send these people home so they can get some vittles. There ain't nothing to eat around here."
13 But Jesus said, "Y'all feed them."
The twelve cowboys all looked at each other, and one of them said, "All we got is five biscuits and two pieces of fish. You want us to lope into town and grab about five thousand cans of beans or what?
14 That's how many it'll take to feed all these folks."Jesus smiled and said, "Have folks sit down in bunches of about fifty."
15 The cowboys tallied the groups and did as the Boss said.
16 When this was done, Jesus took the five biscuits and two pieces of fish and looked up to heaven as he said grace. He then tore them all apart, and the twelve cowboys put the pieces in their hats to pass around. 17 Them hats never run out of vittles, and everyone had their fill. When they got done, the twelve hats were still full.Pete's Right Response
18 On another occasion, the twelve cowboys came to Jesus as he prayed alone. When they walked up, he asked them, "Who does everyone think I am?"
19 "Some say you are John the Baptizer," one of 'em said. "Others claim you are Elijah or one of the other great cowboys of God from long ago."
20 "What about y'all?" he asked them. "Who do you think I am?"
Pete said, "You are God's Top Hand. The one who will gather us and save us from the coming brush fire."
Jesus Tells 'Em about His Death
21 Jesus told all of 'em not to tell anyone what Pete had just said.
22 He then told 'em, "God's Top Hand will suffer terribly at the hands of the religious institution. They will kill him, but three days later he will come over the hill, riding back from the dead."23 And then he spoke up for all to hear. "If you want to ride with me, you've got to quit riding for yourself, sacrifice your own desires, and follow me.
24 If you try to protect your own life, you'll lose it, but if you are willing to lose your life for me, you will find it. 25 What does a man gain if he has everything in the world, but loses himself in the process? 26 If you are ashamed of my brand, then God's Top Hand will shut the gate to God's outfit on you. 27 I'm telling you straight that there are some here now who will not die before they have seen God's outfit."The Top Hand Is Revealed
28 About a week later, Jesus took Pete, James, and John up on a hill to pray.
29 While he was praying, Jesus's face and clothes became whiter than the sun. 30 All of a sudden, Moses and Elijah were there talking to Jesus. 31 They were as bright as Jesus, and they talked with him about God's plan for him to die in Jerusalem. 32 Pete and the other two had been napping while Jesus was praying. When they woke up and saw what was happening, 33 Pete said, "Boss, we're all tickled pink about being here on this special day. We will build three campfires: One for you, one for Moses, and one for Elijah." (Pete tended to spout off at the mouth when he didn't know what to say or do.)34 While his mouth was still moving, a cloud came across and cast its shadow on everyone. It was ominous looking, and
35 a voice came from the cloud saying, "This is my boy who I have chosen—listen to him."36 Then all was silent and it was just Jesus and his three cowboys. The boys didn't tell anyone what they had seen until much later.
Jesus and the Demon-Possessed Boy
37 The next day, they rode up to a crowd of people, and
38 a man hollered out to Jesus, "Lord, please help my boy!" he said. 39 "A spirit has attacked him, and he has fits and suffers terribly. He falls into the fire and the water trough. 40 I took him to some of your cowboys, but they couldn't help him."41 Jesus said, "Good grief! Where is all of y'alls faith? How long am I gonna have to stick around and hold your hands? I don't know how much more I can tolerate. Bring that boy over here."
42 Jesus looked at the boy and told the demon that was possessing him to get out. The demon knocked the boy down one final time and then it was gone. From that moment, the boy was fine. 43 Everyone was amazed at the power of God.Jesus Talks about His Death
Everyone was still jabbering about the things Jesus was doing when he said to his cowboys,
44 "Don't forget what I'm about to say. The Top Hand is going to be betrayed and given over to the religious institution." 45 They all looked at each other questioningly, but nobody said anything. God didn't want them to understand it yet, and so they were afraid to ask him what he meant.Who's the Best
46 Later, a squabble broke out amongst the twelve cowboys about who was the best hand in their crew.
47 Jesus heard them, and called a little kid over next to him and 48 said, "Whoever loves a child like this loves me. And if you love me, you love the Boss who sent me. The best hand among you will be the one who thinks of themselves the least."49 Then John spoke up, "Boss, we seen a fellow driving demons out in your name, but we put a stop to that because he doesn't ride in our crew."
50 "Don't do that," Jesus said. "If they ain't riding against us then they are riding for us."
The Crossbred Samaritans Refuse Jesus
51 Now the time was gettin' close to when Jesus would be taken up to heaven, and they headed out for the final showdown in Jerusalem.
52 He sent some folks on ahead to a village in Samaria to get a room for the night. 53 But when the village heard Jesus's destination was Jerusalem, they refused him service. 54 After hearing this, James and John asked Jesus, "Boss, do you want us to call down fire from heaven and wipe these sorry people from the face of the earth?"55 Jesus told them to quit their foolish thinking.
56 They just rode on by and stayed at another village.Ridin' for the Brand
57 As they were headed for Jerusalem, a cowboy came running up and said, "I'll ride with you wherever you go, Boss!"
58 Jesus looked down from his mount and said, "Coyotes have dens and birds have nests, but the Boss's Son doesn't have any place to call home."
59 Jesus looked at another cowboy standing nearby and said, "What about you? You want to ride for the brand?"But the man said, "As soon as my father dies, I will ride with you wherever you go."
60 Jesus told him, "Let the dead bury the dead. You ride out and gather folks for the brand."
61 Still someone else hollered out, "I'll ride for ya Boss! Let me go tell my family goodbye, and I'll be right back."
62 Jesus shook his head sadly, "Anyone who saddles up, but looks back at what they are leaving, is not fit to ride for the brand."
Simplified Cowboy Version
The Simplified Cowboy Version. Copyright ©2021 by Kevin Weatherby. Used with permission. All rights reserved worldwide. For quotations over 500 verses or questions, please email admin@savethecowboy. com or write to Save the Cowboy, Attn: Bible Rights, PO Box 428 Kiowa, CO 80117.