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The Wily Bean Counter

¹ Jesus told his twelve cowboys this story, "There was a rich rancher who hired a bean counter to manage his properties. One day, the rancher was informed that the bean counter was wasting a lot of money. ² The rancher called him in and said, 'I've heard a lot about what you've been doing with my money and property. Give me the books and get out of here. You're fired.'

³ "The bean counter was beside himself with worry. He said to himself, 'My boss is firing me, and I don't know what to do. I'm not strong enough to be a cowboy, and I've got too much pride to beg. ⁴ I know what I'll do! I'll make some quick friends by using the rancher's business so I can call in some favors after I'm fired.'

⁵ "So he called in everyone who owed the rancher anything and made them a deal to reduce their debt. He asked the first one, 'How much do you owe my boss?'

⁶ "'One hundred barrels of olive oil,' the man answered.

"'I'll reduce that debt by half if you can pay it now.' ⁷ Then he called another guy and asked, 'How much do you owe my boss?'

"The guy said, 'One thousand bushels of wheat.'

"The bean counter said, 'I'll reduce that to only eight hundred if you can pay it now.'

⁸ "After all of this, the rancher still fired the bean counter, but he admired the way he collected the debts and set himself up for the future. ⁹ So here's what I'm trying to tell you, use any earthly gain you have to help people. And when you have nothing left, God will welcome you in.

¹⁰ "If you can be trusted with little things, more will be trusted to you. If you cannot be trusted with small tasks, you cannot be trusted with bigger ones. ¹¹ If you are untrustworthy with things of this world, do you think God is going to trust you with the secrets of heaven? ¹² If you can't take care of other people's things, why should you be given more things of your own?

¹³ "No cowboy can ride for two outfits, for he will favor one over the other. He will be loyal to one and learn to hate the other. You cannot ride for God if you are a slave to money."

¹⁴ When the Pharisees heard this, they started making fun of Jesus. They loved their money and did everything they could to discredit him. ¹⁵ Jesus told 'em, "Y'all are the ones who try to look so good in other people's eyes, but the Boss knows what kind of leather you're made of. The things you and the world hold in high regard are useless in the eyes of the Boss.

¹⁶ "Everything that was written by Moses and the other prophets was the contract to God's outfit. But ever since John the Baptizer started spreading the good news, everyone has been trying to force their way in to God's outfit. ¹⁷ The original contract won't be torn up, it will be paid off. Heaven and earth could be moved easier than removing one dot over one "i" in the contract.

¹⁸ "Let me give you an example. The Code says you can divorce a woman for adultery and marry another. But I'm telling you that anyone that marries a divorced person has already committed adultery in the eyes of God."

Lazarus and the Rich Guy

¹⁹ Jesus then said, "There was a rich guy who dressed in expensive clothes and lived in absolute luxury. ²⁰ There was also a poor beggar named Lazarus who was covered in sores. People would bring Lazarus to the rich man's gate entrance to beg. ²¹ Lazarus prayed for just a small scrap from the rich guy's table, but all he could settle for were dogs to lick his rotting flesh.

²² "Finally, old Lazarus gave up the ghost, and the angels carried him to sit beside Abraham at the great banquet in heaven. ²³ Coincidentally, the rich guy died at the same time, but he ended up in hell. While his flesh burned, he saw the beggar Lazarus sitting with Abraham in heaven.

²⁴ "The rich man hollered, 'Abraham! My ancestor, please help me! Send Lazarus with just a drip of water to drop on my tongue. I am burning alive, and I cannot stand the pain of the flames.'

²⁵ "But Abraham said, 'Son, remember that while you were living, you had everything and Lazarus had nothing. You never lifted a finger for him, so why should he dip his finger in the water for you. He will now be comforted, and you will feel his pain. ²⁶ And besides that, there is a canyon between us that you cannot cross and neither can we. What's done is done.'

²⁷ "Then the rich guy begged, 'Then please, Abraham, send someone to my father's house and ²⁸ tell my brothers what waits for them if they are selfish as I was. I don't want them to end up in this torment with me.'

²⁹ "Abraham said, 'Moses and the rest of the old cowboy prophets have warned them. All they have to do is read what they wrote.'

³⁰ "The rich man said, 'That's not enough Abraham! If someone from here could go back and tell them, then they would turn from their selfishness and ride for God!'

³¹ "But Abraham replied, 'If they wouldn't listen and heed the warning of Moses and the old cowboy prophets, then they won't listen to anyone else, even if someone were to rise from the dead and tell them.'"